Open adoption is often the most misunderstood term in the adoption world today.  For potential adoptive parents, it can be a scary idea because you may think having any kind of relationship with a birth family leads to confusion about who the parents are, or worse, the possibility of the birth family taking the child back.

The reality of open adoption is that it can mean anything from sending letters and pictures to having a relationship where you get together and talk often.  It doesn’t mean that birthmothers are threats – rather a relationship with them can be great for you and your child.  For more on open adoption, check out the blog post I wrote about it here.

So what are open adoption contact agreements?

The agreements are post adoption arrangements that allow contact between the adoptive family and the birthmother, or other members of the birth family.  They are meant to make sure everyone involved is clear about the type of contact (letters, pictures, videos, visits, etc.) and how often the contact is made (once a month, once a year, etc.).

The contact agreements are meant to provide whatever is in the best interest of the adopted child.  Many adoptions – especially infant adoptions – have some sort of verbal agreement rather than a written one.  

Adoptive couples ultimately have the right to decide who will have contact with their adopted children, however in an open adoption it is important to talk with the birthmother about the post adoption contact.  Adoptive parents should consider that their relationship with the birth family will take some time to develop.  Often times the birthmother and/or the adoptive parents may change their mind about the type and amount of contact they would like.

Can (and should) the agreements be legally enforced?

Adoption contact agreements can be written to provide a way to make it legally enforceable.  Currently, there are 26 states that allow legally enforceable contact agreements, but these are generally only for children over a certain age (in many cases at least 2 years old) or in the cases involving step-parents and relative adoptions.   [...]

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It took several more weeks than we wanted, but my wife and I have completed our newly revised adoption profile and video.  After reviewing what we created a year ago, we knew that we wanted to make some changes.  

We have completely re-written our ‘dear birthmother’ letter, we’ve changed almost every picture and the layout design of the physical profile.    

The back page is no longer blank but now includes a professional picture of us with the words “Made especially for you by Tim & Tisha.  We’d love to talk to you soon!” and then it includes our contact information.  This was appealing to us because a potential birthmother can pick it up and see a picture of us on the front or the back.

You never know when your picture will capture the attention of a birthmother – it happened that way on our first adoption!  

The biggest revision we made was to our video.  We love how it turned out!  We spent several hours with our awesome videographer – Jason Nabb of Purelight Productions.  

Our video begins with us talking directly into the camera, then quickly moves through pictures and video footage as we continue to talk about what our lives are like.  It was important to show the special things about our family – to tell the story about our lives, and do it in just over three minutes. 

Click here to go to Lifetime Adopion Center’s website and check out our online profile and watch our video.  I’d love to hear what you think.

Check out my earlier posts about adoption profiles:  

What is an adoption profile?  and 

3 Ways to improve your domestic adoption profile 

Both of these articles give points on what to include in your profile.  I want to add 2 more things you should know about creating and revising your profile:

1. It is important to show what is unique and special about you.

It may be tempting to put together a profile based on what you think a birthmother wants to see and read - this is a big mistake.  You really don’t know what a birthmother will love about you – so it makes sense to show who you really are.   [...]

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The domestic infant adoption process is amazing, exciting, stressful, and sometimes feels like you are the only one that has gone through it.  Reading about how other people have gone through the process is helpful, inspiring and comforting.

The stories let you know that you are not alone – others have gone through similar things in life and have successfully adopted.  

You can adopt too!

Adoption stories are not always easy to find.  I’ve gathered some special links where people have shared their domestic infant adoption journey. Have fun reading them!

Adoption Associates 

An excellent agency that places 60 to 70 infants every year in their domestic adoption program.  They have a great domestic adoption FAQ (frequently asked questions) page.  They have at least a dozen stories listed.  The couples share a lot about why they love Adoption Associates – they are some great stories to read.

Bethany Christian Adoptions 

The largest adoption agency in the U.S. – they have been around since 1944. They have over 80 locations and are licensed in 30 states.  Their domestic infant adoption page is very informative.  They have several very inspirational domestic adoption stories.  Check it out!

American Adoptions

Here is an agency that works with families from all over the U.S.  Along with their stories from adoptive families, they have a great page that shares some stories from birthmothers.

Adoption.com

This website is dedicated to all things adoption.  They have an awesome mix of stories:  one told from an adoptive mother’s perspective, one from an adoptive father, one about a very fast (68 hour) adoption, one about an open adoption, and on and on.

AdoptionJourney.com

This site lists family stories that talk about the many different sides of adoption – including domestic adoption, foster adoption…even a story told by Tony Dungy (former NFL coach) and his wife Lauren.  

I hope you enjoy reading these inspirational stories.  

Click the following link to check out my domestic infant adoption story.

What do you think?

Enter your comments below or send me an email.

I am looking to add adoption stories to a new page for InfantAdoptionGuide.com.  If you’d like to share your story, please email me.

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Once you make the decision to grow your family through domestic adoption, one of the first things you need to do is to find a good adoption agency and attorney.  You may even want to find two or three that will help you match with a birthmother as soon as possible.

Here are some of the reasons why adoptive couples need good adoption professionals:

–Completing a home study:  every adoptive couple needs this done before you can have a child placed with you.

–Finding (and screening) birthmothers:  this makes up most of your waiting time – and having someone talk to potential birthmothers before you do can be priceless.

–Avoiding adoption scams:  working with experienced professionals will help because they are trained to spot scams.  They deal with a lot of situations so they are better equipped to avoid adoption fraud.

–You’ll have to get help from an adoption attorney for placement, ICPC, and finalization.

New blog post!5 Websites to help you find an adoption agency or attorney — InfantAdoptionGuide.com bit.ly/HDqI8K

— Tim Elder (@tim4adoption) April 10, 2012

Here are five websites that will help you find an adoption agency or attorney:

1. AdoptionProfessionals.com :  This site allows you to search by professional type – such as adoption attorney, public agency, private agency, social worker, etc.  You then can search by state.  They’ll show you the professional’s name, contact info, services they provide, the states in which they are licensed, and the states where they can work with adoptive couples.

2. Adoptive Families Magazine :  The popular magazine provides a map of the U.S. where you can click on your state to find an adoption agency or attorney that is close to where you live.

3. AdoptionAgencyReviews.com :  This site allows you to search for adoption agencies by name and location.  They also allow you to compare multiple agencies.  Another cool feature shows their top reviewed agencies.  You can sign up for free to add your own review.

4. MyAdoptionAgencies.com :  They show 478 domestic adoption agencies.  You can search by state and each listing shows the agency description, location, contact info, and rating.

5. AdoptionAgencyRatings.com :  They list over 1200 adoption agencies that are rated by adoptive parents, birthparents, and adoptees.  You must register if you want to post a review, but you can browse current ratings without having to register.  They list agencies by zip code, by map location, by the top 20 agencies, and more.  

When you get ready to contact an agency or attorney, be sure to check out the list of questions I have put together.  You can view, download, and print the 12 questions for adoption professionals.  I also have a set of three blog posts that go into the questions in more detail.

What do you think?  Have you found any other great adoption sites that help you search for adoption agencies or attorneys?  Post a comment below to let us know or you can email me.

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